This was really not motivated because I about wanted to die, but rather on the contrary, because I knew at that moment at all levels that the love for me is the only one worth to live and to die. I had stopped to fight, had surrendered, had accepted the reality and surrendered me to my true desire for love. At this moment who took total devotion, I now was a two to three meter energy phenomenon at some distance from me. It was easy to see the energy body, my black friend and enemy, which approached me very slowly but steadily. I think I had a dismissive nor a welcome hot mood at that moment, I was actually only more discerning and amazed watching and of course by this phenomenon and fascinated. And as his energy body is now my body made of flesh and blood more and more approached and eventually my almost enclosed, so somehow became my own energy body, he pulled himself together, it declined so his size, and he was thus getting smaller and smaller, until he is completely had adjusted mine.
After all practical terms to our two bodies were identical. I could perceive no energy bodies visually now outside my body more, but I saw it merged in me and with me, we were now apparently a kind of transparent, both individuals present and yet one with each other and into each other. I had become one with him, I was all over it and all I for this tiny moment, and everything sticks before a moment still suffering on me, had dissipated entirely. I was relieved and satisfied, everything had turned by 180 degrees, the hatred had goodbye and never signed up to the present day. I had a deep, indescribable feeling of peace, a true spiritual experience at the highest level, which to me I love the Reminded people and being as such. And again a piece brought me closer to myself. Again, I knew that this was the true reality, which I just learned, and all the other thing I noticed otherwise, existed only for a while, almost was a temporary, borrowed reality that serves for my sake and for the benefit of unlimited and varied always again new possibilities of experience. Gerald Weissmann, MD may help you with your research.
Also for me was not the question whether this could not otherwise have gone, perhaps with less pain or a little less suffering to another more pleasant way to be. No, I knew very well that this all was necessary for me to soften me to prepare myself, so my willingness to accept the reality of achieving. I was undoubtedly aware that each grain life, every smallest unit of experience had been allernotigst to allow surrender to me. That all happened so far just elegant and equally important was my admission to request my acknowledge the reality.